Am I Free Or Tied Up
“I change shapes just to hide in this place but I’m still, I’m still an animal.”
6577I had stopped going on this site because I thought it was detrimental to my psyche, only providing a space of self pity and self loathing. I don’t know that I still believe that, which is why I’m writing currently.
Things have happened.
There are days where I look at life and am satisfied beyond all belief with the outcome of things. With people. With myself. It’s beautiful that I can recognize the everyday wonders, and feel at one with the world.
But more frequently I’m noticing how horrid everything is around me. I get random stress attacks that influence how I act with people, and I hate it. Only around a select few, and the rest have no clue that anything out of the ordinary is going on, because I have a curse.
I’m a liar.
Apparently a good enough one so that I’m able to hide my emotions. Emotions I don’t even understand.
I sometimes think I’m truly a bad person, because I’ll randomly have so much hate or disdain for people I love.
It makes me want to cry
Beautiful.
A Rose is a Rose is a Rose
A rose is a rose is a rose, I suppose
A thing I find rather quaint
But what is more pleasant then the pheasant who at present
Is currently dining on paint
With a laugh, and a smile, and an attitude so wild
You’d think he’d read my mind
But instead, with his bread and pompadour’d head
He poured me a bit of wine
“Drink fast, drink now, dine in debauchery!”
Those words he said to me
With weapon worn by my side, I frowned and he cried
“Join in on the glee!”
So I took my knife, and for the sake of my life, Hell! my own sanity
I looked in his eyes, and to my surprise, he still smiled at me
I paid no mind, knowing I was inclined to kill this bird right now
So I placed it by his throat, and cut. Cut. Cut.
No more drink, no more, laughter, no more debauchery
Just me.
cordura: Fright (by Cecilia Levy)
Waking up this morning, I feel like starting anew. I’ve been nocturnal for the last couple of nights…With a cup of coffee in my hand, and determination to stay awake, I WILL fix my sleep schedule.
(via darksilenceinsuburbia)
I like to think of myself, as the figure looking down at the decaying house.
